Not what I expected. Shit.

I went to San Diego to visit my brother, hike, eat cupcakes, and get energized to come home and finally get my act together.  Instead it was far more emotionally challenging than I was prepared for.  That is, because I wasn’t prepared for it to be emotionally challenging at all.

I don’t know if my melancholy and sleepiness today is because of this or because I’m back to reality.  I do know that I didn’t jump out of bed today with my shit together.  In fact, I didn’t jump at all.  I haven’t done anything I promised myself I would do, and as the day rolls on, I become more sad, more defeated, more sluggish, more sad.  I just walked the dogs sobbing, for chrissakes.  I haven’t showered or even put on a bra—yes, this means I’ve walked the dogs three times today without a bra on.

It did not help that I had a dream about visiting my ex.  He said “I had no idea you’ve been trying to contact me for FOUR MONTHS, and no, I didn’t steal nearly TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS from you, you just have the account number wrong.”  Waking up realizing this dream isn’t going to come true did nothing to start my day off well.

I’ve read blog posts, books about motivation, books about successful women in business, sought out successful women to network with, and still, here I am, weeping and melodramatic.

I need something, something, something.  Because I’m really sick of this being stuck bullshit.